Stop for a moment and just listen. What do you hear? Maybe the neighbor’s lawnmower…the barking dog a few houses down….a clock ticking….the cars on the street. Have you ever just stopped for a moment to take it all in? There have been so many times in my life that if I could only be sixteen my life would be perfect! When I turn eighteen and graduate I will my happiest. Looking back on those times I now only wish I could go back and relive them again. While this may be a typical notion of growing older, we tend to wish them away way to quickly.
I am now your typical twenty-one year old working college student. I have been blessed to be with my high school sweetheart, for going on five years now. I can remember when I graduated, only two years into our relationship, talking about marriage, family, and all that came with it, thinking there was nothing else I would ever want more. Fast forward three years later, and I still laugh at just how ready we thought we were. We have now been engaged for almost a year and for the first time in my life, I just want to be STILL. I want to savor this time with the man I love. I can honestly say out of our entire relationship some of my fondest memories have been while we were engaged. We get to take time to enjoy the last of our college years. We get to travel to some of our favorite places. We get to grow not only as a couple, but as individuals as well.
I had to have a serious sit down with God and myself about a year ago. I was spending most of my days day dreaming in class about being a wife and a mom. I would pure make myself upset because I did not have a college degree or a baby yet. By the end of the day I was so tired of thinking of all the things I wish I had or where I was in my life, that I did not even ask Aaron how his day was, or what was going on in his life. I was being selfish and cold. Not only did my relationship with Aaron suffer, but with God as well. I would lay down at night to pray and was questioning God. Why haven’t you given me this yet? Why aren’t I married yet? We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Over-thinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. When one day it hit me! I had been so caught up in wishing for things to happen that here was the man I loved down on one knee asking me the question I had been dreaming of since we started dating. I of curse said yes, but I made myself and God a promise that day. I was going to STOP wishing my life away. I realized that I wanted more than just a taste of a relationship. I wanted to truly experience it. The good times and the bad. I promised myself to slow down and enjoy this next chapter of my life with the ones I love.
I am not saying a two year engagement is for everyone, because I’m sure it isn’t, but I can honestly say it has changed my life. Once I stopped rushing through life, I was so amazed how much more life I have time for. I learned to stop rushing things that need time to grow. I am of course thrilled I get to become a McDaniels, but I am at peace with the fact it is still a year away, along with babies, and a “real” job, and a house of my own. We can’t control everything. Sometimes we just have to relax and have faith about God’s timing. Let go a little and let life happen.